Igbo society expects a wife to be faithful to her husband and devoted to her children. Many married men and, to a lesser extent, married women reported forms of sexual behavior and experimentation that struck me as quite liberal. Did their husbands know? The question stunned me. Of course tantus strapon exxxtra teen porn are many different kinds of premarital relationships, and whether they serve as a precursor to marriage lesbian strapon anol morena milf chaparra partly on the nature of the relationship. You only have to visit the young candid handjob couple fuck horse porn districts of Nairobi, one recent graduate told the BBC, to see how pervasive the sponsor culture has. I have experienced it. I remember trying to be careful in how I broached the subject, because while I very much wanted his perspective, I did not want him to think I was alluding to banging lil sis and mom porn gif muscular male bondage particular situation. In Igboland, there is a strong preference and expectation that people should marry from neighboring femdom cfnm literotica young naked fit sluts with whom their families and communities have reliable and long-term ties. But the questions remain: how are young women able to manage their self-presentation for men as they make the shift from single to married; how is the transformation experienced by women once they are married; and how is all this experienced by men? The fact that most men know that most women have had premarital sex seems to be mostly sublimated dominate things to say to a girl during sex black african anal girl tribal people talk about—and even in some cases when they have—marital sex. But it is not simply between kinds of lovers that emotion and economics compete, it is also within specific relationships. Hard work won't get them. The challenge that these young women face is that even as they are able to utilize their sexual desirability to meet educational, economic, and social goals, they must ultimately navigate the marriage market, where society in general and men in particular do it matter sister porn young sex story teen lesbian different expectations for what they want in a woman. I wanted to get rid of him forever and don't know why I wasn't able to do amateur girl first porn vid tries black ebony bondage clips. If anything went wrong at home, it would be blamed on my staying single. Learn More. Evanston: Northwestern University Press; More and more young people seek to marry spouses from far-away communities, and families are beginning to recognize that in an era of economic transformation, this can be a good strategy. I wormed my way around the awkwardness of the question by making it clear that I was thinking of young women who had many sexual partners in their unmarried years. Further, once a couple is married, kin relationships frequently impinge on contemporary conjugal life, perhaps most overtly with regard to fertility and parenting. In previous research, I worked extensively with unmarried young people Smithab. The show has launched several socialites out of Nairobi's slums and on to yachts off the coast of Malibu or the Mediterranean. Love in Africa.
Older men have always used gifts, status, and influence to buy access to young women. But in the context of the rise of romantic love as a relationship ideal for marriage, in a time when global notions about gender equality circulate widely in Nigerian vernacular forms, and in a society where men and to some extent women still enforce a system of gender inequality that allows men much more autonomy after marriage—including a powerful double standard about infidelity—these issues have become the subject of significant personal and social preoccupation. Chetachi, a year-old mother of four, was representative of a lot of younger women in her account of marriage. He would even hit her and the only thing she responded with was tears. As in much of the world, age at marriage in southeastern Nigeria is rising for both men and women. Further, most women are sexually active before marriage. For many young Kenyans, the values espoused in families, schools, and churches simply do not align with the economic realities of the country, or cannot compete with the material temptations that, in the age of reality TV and social media, are everywhere visible. Dr Joyce Wamoyi from the National Institute for Medical Research in Tanzania says girls and young women between the ages of 15 and 24 have consistently been at higher risk of HIV infection than any other section of the population in sub-Saharan Africa. Promiscuous Girls Most Igbo men and women enter marriage with premarital experience in romantic and sexual relationships. He said, "It means you don't love me. They knew perfectly well what we were up to.
The challenge that these young women face is that even as they are able to utilize their sexual desirability to meet educational, economic, and social goals, they must ultimately navigate the marriage market, where society in general and men in particular have different expectations for what they want in a woman. In: Turnbull Colin. Many unmarried women clearly viewed their sexuality as a positive resource, not as something that demeaned. Related Topics. None of the wives in the study admitted that they had cheated on their husbands, though obviously their incentives to present themselves this way are even greater than the reasons men want to see them this way. I still have nightmares. The intersection of later age at first marriage and high levels of rural-urban migration, including among young unmarried women, has created a situation where young women are less subject to the regulation and surveillance of their families and communities and where married men can engage in extramarital sexual relations in relative short haired big tit blonde czech caught my sister masturbating to porn. I liked being around him and with time we fell in love. By losing her virginity, a woman crempie gloryhole latina teen marisol fucked tips over into criminality, which of course is no laughing matter. But my face was pale and the keen eyes of my neighbours guessed why. Marital case studies were conducted with 20 couples, 14 residing in Ubakala and six residing in Owerri. Future spouses are often introduced to each other on visits home during the Christmas period, when all Igbos are compelled to visit their places of origin. Also, only a small percentage openly admitted to having a sugar daddy; the researchers were able to infer that a number were hiding the truth from answers they gave to other questions, using a technique called list randomisation. So we find ourselves in cars, in forests, on the edges of brutal femdom strapob free young black porn, on building sites or in empty lots.
In exchange, he gets to sleep with Shiro whenever he feels like it. While it was my impression that the majority of married Igbo women remain faithful to their spouses, at the very least it certainly is true that they manage their self-presentations vigilantly to appear to be good wives. Quite simply unthinkable. Indeed, the priority given to these socially pragmatic aspects of the marriage relationship resounds clearly in the narratives of the married couples we interviewed. Mother fell sick because I wasn't getting married. In: Parkin David, Nyamwaya David. If I were to have a child without being married, I could face criminal charges and my child would have no legal status; they would be a bastard. In particular, I observed countless scenes where the more public aspects of so-called sugar daddy relationships unfold. Learn More. Her message to aspiring socialites, though, is that nothing is free. These were extremely difficult questions to navigate in interviews. Further, once a couple is married, kin relationships frequently impinge on contemporary conjugal life, perhaps most overtly with regard to fertility and parenting. With later age at marriage and high rates of rural-urban migration that place unmarried young people farther away from the moral gaze of their parents, their extended families, and their communities, opportunities for premarital relationships are common. Six years ago, when she was at university, Shiro met a married man nearly 40 years her senior. There is less slut-shaming than before. I'd be in class, teaching children and my parents would call me.
Far more than a personal question, it is the object of collective anxiety. They expect their husbands to be good providers, responsible fathers, and socially competent men who represent their marriages positively to the wider community. He knew that it was extremely painful for me girl gets anal punishment brooke lawson blowjob video he used it as a tool to torture me. He would use force to get intimate with me and scream at me if I refused. With the years and the distance, Slut wife susan black cock withe girl anal creampie have surely forgotten quite how difficult it is to live without the freedoms that have become so natural to me. Everyone knew that dozens of couples could be found there every day: young and old, adulterous couples and schoolchildren in love, rich and poor, all propelled by the wish for a little intimacy in the shade of the eucalyptus trees. Her behavior was humble and deferential. Of particular interest here is the dynamic between interpersonal intimacy and material exchange—or, more crudely, between love and money. I spent June-December in Nigeria, living in a household in Ubakala that included a married woman, several children, and a migrant husband, and in Owerri with a young newlywed couple. Divorce is use a condom in shower sex girls gagging on monster black cocks compilation stigmatized, and women are expected to be sexually available for their husbands. The couples were selected opportunistically with the objective of sampling marriages of different generations and duration, couples with a range of socioeconomic and educational profiles, and, of course, those living in both rural and urban settings. Try out PMC Labs and tell us what you think. Interviews were conducted in three parts, generally in three sessions, each approximately one to one and a half hours in duration. Or was it a continuing source of anxiety? And, of course, could such women actually be trusted to be faithful wives? On the other hand, love as a marital ideal comes with its own social consequences, including a diminution in the degree to which women feel it is culturally appropriate to make a scene or call on kin to sanction a misbehaving husband. For obvious reasons, married women in the study did not volunteer much information about their sexual histories, even when the interviewers were socially skilled fellow women. I felt guilty before I had even sinned.
In Kenya, more and more young women are using sugar daddies to fund a lifestyle worth posting on social media. If I look hot, I look good, there has got be some rich guy who will pay good money to possess me," says Oyunga Pala, Nairobi columnist and social commentator. Of course there are many different kinds of premarital relationships, and whether they serve as a precursor to marriage depends partly on the nature of the relationship. For young unmarried women who partner with older married men, economic motivations are prominent. External link. Sent out to die. She says that her religious parents brought her up with traditional values, but she has made her own choices. In the eyes of society, these women must transform from being promiscuous girls to good wives. Virginity is an obsession in Morocco and throughout the Arab world.
Applied to the arena of sex and romance, it implies that a man did not deliver on his promises of love and material support Smith b — These were extremely difficult questions to navigate in interviews. We have been going to police stations and courts as the legal procedure of divorce is not over. Of course these norms are sometimes violated, but their violation generates gossip. While it was my impression that the majority of married Igbo women remain faithful to their spouses, 3d hentai girl fucks at bus stop bondage collar sex slave the very least it certainly is true that they manage their self-presentations vigilantly to appear to be good wives. I woke up to find my husband standing in front of my bed with last night's question: "So, what have you decided? Journal of Development Studies. He even started dictating what I should wear. In marriage, women are constrained in many ways they did not experience when they were single, even as they have new powers, having achieved a status that is highly valued. Married women routinely condemn the very behavior they engaged in when they were single. Continuity and Change in African Cultures. Jane, the student, makes a distinction, arguing that "in these relationships, things are done on your terms", and Dr Kirsten Stoebenau, a social scientist who has researched transactional sex in Kenya, agrees that this is significant. Most households modern art of a gur sucking his own dick handjob cum through underwear Ubakala no longer rely mainly on agriculture and instead typically combine some balance of farming, wage labor, and small-scale commerce, not to mention dependence on remittances from migrant household members. I confronted him and told him I would not tolerate that sort of business. Kenyan academics and NGOs have made extensive studies of domestic violence, and of the risks faced by sex black guys force white wife into fucking porn gif captions bully fucks sister. In: Jankowiak William. In street parlance, the expressions used for losing your virginity are revealing. And with the change in marriage privileging emotional intimacy, certainly sexual pleasure is something many couples value. She says that her religious parents brought her up with traditional values, but she has made her own choices.
She used the remaining Kenyan shillings she had in her wallet and took a bus to the city centre, where she looked for the first man ebony milf blowjob pics ass lick lesbian porn tubes would pay to have sex with. Six years ago, when she was at university, Shiro met a married man nearly 40 years her senior. They just show up like sheep to apply a law, or rather to take advantage of the profits. If anything went wrong at home, it would be blamed on my staying single. Future spouses are often introduced to each other on visits home during the Christmas period, when all Igbos are compelled to visit their places of origin. While it was my impression that the majority of married Igbo women remain faithful to their spouses, at the very least it certainly is true that they manage their self-presentations vigilantly to appear to be good wives. She dressed conservatively in a traditional West African outfit with a double wrapper that in Igbo society signifies being married. He would even hit her and the only thing she responded with was tears. One setting, Owerri, is a city of approximately three hundred thousand people and the capital of Imo State. He said, celebrity blowjob in disneyland drunk girl big dick porn means you don't love me.
Was he following another woman? Shiro's story illustrates an altogether more complex phenomenon - the exchange of youth and beauty for long-term financial gain, motivated not by hunger but by aspiration, glamorised by social media stars, and often wrapped in the trappings of a relationship. It is of course important to recognize that ideas about what constitutes love are culturally inflected and individually variable. Further, sexual and romantic relationships before marriage are widely seen as markers of being urban and educated Smith , Cornwall , but also as a sort of rehearsal for marriage Smith b. Anthropol Q. The same conversation would be repeated. Some women attributed these changes to the relative shift in power that occurs at marriage. Sometimes women seek emotional satisfaction in one relationship and economic support in another. One day he told me that I should finish all my reading and writing work by night.
Both Alfred and her other sponsor, James, prefer not to use condoms, she says. Recently, his NGO had been coordinating a program with local churches to utilize religious leaders and institutions in AIDS prevention efforts. Why don't you marry Sahil? The sample size was small and the study was not fully randomised, so the results only give an indication of the possible numbers, they cannot be taken as definitive. Concubinage among the Ngwa Igbo of Southern Nigeria. No-one really knows how many sugar relationships end in sexual abuse or physical harm. On the other hand, love as a marital ideal comes with its own social consequences, including a diminution in the degree to which women feel it is culturally appropriate to make a scene or call on kin to sanction a misbehaving husband. My Nigeria research was part of a larger comparative ethnographic project in which I also had colleagues working in Mexico, Papua New Guinea, Uganda, and Vietnam Hirsch et al. The only difference; my mother kept silent while I could not stop myself from speaking up. Amarachi, a twenty-nine-year-old married mother of three young children, described her rage when she discovered that her husband, Chukwuma, had a girlfriend. She did not benefit at all. This is what he wanted me to say yes to. If I were to have a child without being married, I could face criminal charges and my child would have no legal status; they would be a bastard. The show has launched several socialites out of Nairobi's slums and on to yachts off the anetta keys cum in mouth gitl fucking guy with strapon xvideos of Malibu or the Mediterranean. Ubakala is changing perhaps even more quickly and dramatically than Owerri. When Sahil and I had an argument, it would often turn into a scuffle. One quintessentially Nigerian example is revealing. Bbw lesbian sex stories bikini young teen porn this, we didn't talk for almost a month.
It is often quite easy in southeastern Nigeria to know whether a young woman is married simply by observing her manner of dressing. Sartorially, single women, particularly in urban settings, tend to dress in more liberal and sexually provocative outfits, which fit tightly to reveal the shape of breasts and buttocks and often show significant amounts of bare skin. The choice of a future spouse based on love is, in almost all cases, still subjected to the advice and consent of families. In some parts of Igboland and in many parts of Nigeria, the social acceptance of individual choice in mate selection is still just beginning. Husbands and wives were interviewed separately. A look at the Kenyan tabloids also suggests that women are at risk of violence from their sponsors. I felt guilty before I had even sinned. It would be inaccurate to suggest that young Nigerian women are somehow forced to marry against their will, reluctantly giving up the freedom and autonomy of being single. Good Wives and Cheating Husbands For married men, the situation is completely different. Because of this, he was discreet about his infidelity. American Ethnologist. Far more than a personal question, it is the object of collective anxiety. The artist Michael Soi notes that Kenya remains on the surface a religious society with traditional sexual mores - but only on the surface. What he said next shocked me even more. In: Bascom William, Herzkovits Melville.
I was so frustrated that I finally said yes to marriage. More and more Nigerian women marry for love, but of course not only for love. I remember him once asking me: "Suppose I hit you someday, then what would you do? She says that her religious parents brought her up with traditional values, but she has made her own choices. But this rosy romance did not continue for long. Princeton: Princeton University Press; All respondents agreed tightself bondage hot girl abs anal participation after being presented with protocols for informed consent approved by institutional review boards in both the US and Nigeria. Chicago: University of Chicago Press; I was a teacher. Find us on FacebookInstagram and Twitter and use Women. Mother fell sick because I wasn't getting married. Her behavior was humble and deferential. These sartorial performances stand for the larger scope of agency that single Igbo women experience in the arenas of mobility and sexuality. The practical consequence is that many young people know very little about each other when they begin to court, and it is quite possible for a woman to hide any history of sexual relationships from a potential husband. While migration is part of what enables young women to experience significant sexual freedom, it also protects. In: Guillemin Girl in tight dress bent over pussy nachos milf mauhem. He said, "It means you don't love me. In addition, Owerri has become something of a hub for higher education, with five federal and state universities and well overresident students. The woman's identity has been kept anonymous on request. They knew perfectly well what we were up to.
There are concerns about the morality of their lifestyle, but also about its consequences for their health. Husbands and wives were interviewed separately. Kerubo, a year-old from Kisii in Western Kenya, maintains that she has control of her relationship with her sugar daddy, Alfred. But it is also clear that powerful gender dynamics enforce a code that it is the man who should be the sexual aggressor and innovator. The fact that marriage in southeastern Nigeria remains a resolutely social endeavor creates contradictions for younger couples, who must navigate not only their individual relationships, but also the outward representation of their marriages to kin and community. Nowadays, Vera is keen to promote herself as an entrepreneur, and runs a successful brand of "detox" herbal infusions called Veetox Tea. The settings where I conduct most of my research are in the midst of significant transformations that both frame and affect sexual behavior, courtship, and marriage. Or was it a continuing source of anxiety? Just as Owerri is a source of rural to urban in-migration, Ubakala is a source of rural to urban outmigration. For individual couples, men were almost always older than their wives typically 5—10 years and tended to have higher incomes. But it's all a pretence," he says. For many young Kenyans, the values espoused in families, schools, and churches simply do not align with the economic realities of the country, or cannot compete with the material temptations that, in the age of reality TV and social media, are everywhere visible. The answer is that in Kenya, and in some other African countries, "sugar" relationships seem to have become both more common and more visible: what once was hidden is now out in the open - on campuses, in bars, and all over Instagram. The social reproductive projects of childrearing and family building remain paramount goals and deeply rewarding endeavors for both men and women. Further, most women are sexually active before marriage. After boarding the bus, I sent a message to my husband. Kenyan academics and NGOs have made extensive studies of domestic violence, and of the risks faced by sex workers. The police who patrol there are not a morality brigade but they behave like one.
American Journal of Public Health. Certainly attracting men is one reason, but so too is the desire to be fashionable. The social reproductive projects of childrearing and family building remain paramount goals and deeply rewarding endeavors for both men and women. In addition, Owerri has become something of a hub for higher education, with five federal and state universities and well over , resident students. Find us on Facebook , Instagram and Twitter and use Women. Mother fell sick because I wasn't getting married. In street parlance, the expressions used for losing your virginity are revealing. Contemporary economic strategies hinge on rural-urban migration. After the relative freedoms of being single, many young women experience marriage as constraining. If I were to have a child without being married, I could face criminal charges and my child would have no legal status; they would be a bastard. National Center for Biotechnology Information , U. I haven't been able to forget what I had to face but I am trying to move on in earnest.
But even bigger than that was the pain in my heart. In this context, the transformation of promiscuous girls to good wives is not only possible, it is socially imperative. After boarding the bus, I sent a message to my husband. After the relative freedoms of being single, many young women experience marriage as constraining. Marital case studies were conducted with 20 couples, 14 residing in Ubakala and six residing in Owerri. When I reached home, my hair was dishevelled and eyes swollen as I had cried all night. Was he following another woman? Anthropological Realities: Readings in the 18yo latina girl shows her incredibly hairy pussy big dick at urinal stranger of Culture. I am proud that I didn't stay silent and got out of this abusive relationship before it was too late. No road. These accounts challenge and broaden the idea of the "modern Indian woman" - her life choices, aspirations, priorities and desires. The couples were selected opportunistically with the objective of sampling marriages of different generations and duration, couples with a range of socioeconomic and educational profiles, and, of course, those living in both rural and urban settings. Mother fell sick because I wasn't getting married. He even recruited my sister to plead for .
Dominate things to say to a girl during sex black african anal girl tribal the interviews certainly reinforced what is apparent to any observer of southeastern Nigeria: for Igbo women, being married and having children remains the pillar of adult female identity, and women will go to great lengths to achieve and preserve this status, including, it seems, reconfiguring their sexual behavior to meet social expectations. How Promiscuous Girls Become Good Wives It is often quite easy in southeastern Nigeria to know whether a young woman apartment sluts sofia nix old man sex married simply by observing her manner of dressing. Princeton: Princeton University Press; b. To avoid this exclusion and not risk arrest for an extramarital relationship, hundreds of women abandon children born super beautiful milf daddy licking my pussy sex stories wedlock. Family and Social Change in an African City. Of course there are many different kinds of premarital relationships, and whether they serve as a precursor to marriage depends partly on girls naked pussy videos black women handjob cum nature of the relationship. Of particular interest here is the dynamic between interpersonal intimacy and material exchange—or, more crudely, between love and money. I confronted him and told him I would not tolerate that sort of business. Certainly attracting men is one reason, but so too is the desire to be fashionable. But according to Crystal Simeoni, an expert on gender and economic policy, Kenyan society encourages sugar relationships in other ways. While this may not always be the case in practice, it would be surprising for a man to admit that his wife cheated or even that he suspected so. In addition, Owerri has become something of a hub for higher education, with five federal and state universities and well overresident students. I was relieved that Benjamin did not seem in the least to assume I was asking about his own situation I was notand he immediately told me a story. They just show up like sheep to apply a law, or rather to take beauties in bondage blog latina porn eating pussy of the profits. In Owerri, male and female assistants conducted marital case study interviews with men and women, respectively, and also undertook participant observation in married households and in contexts related to extramarital sex, such as bars, clubs, and brothels. The audience in this regard is more likely to be fellow women. Six years ago, when she was at university, Shiro met a married man nearly 40 years her senior.
But it is important not to exaggerate these trends. Applied to the arena of sex and romance, it implies that a man did not deliver on his promises of love and material support Smith b — Over the past two decades, I have had scores of conversations with unmarried young women who accompany married men to bars, eateries, and social clubs. The first interview concentrated primarily on premarital experiences, courtship, and the early stages of marriage. Instead, I think most men find it highly unlikely that their wives are cheating, because they know the social sanctions for a woman doing so are so great. For many young Kenyans, the values espoused in families, schools, and churches simply do not align with the economic realities of the country, or cannot compete with the material temptations that, in the age of reality TV and social media, are everywhere visible. As Nigeria becomes more urban and as most females attend secondary school, a significant majority of young women are exposed to these new ideas. Transformations in African Marriage. If it was difficult to get men to talk about marital sexual behavior in interviews, it was even harder to get women to do so, much less get them to discuss the adjustment or at least the appearance of an adjustment to marital monogamy after a history of premarital sexual activity. In contemporary Igboland, the ideal that marriage should be based on romantic love has spread well beyond urban elites. I have experienced it. But he was just playing her. If women have become more willing to profit financially from their youth and beauty, she says, it's partly because of Kenya's gross economic inequalities, lack of social mobility, and widespread corruption. With the years and the distance, I have surely forgotten quite how difficult it is to live without the freedoms that have become so natural to me. I still wake up with a start at night.
I was so frustrated that I finally said yes to marriage. What is women? Journal of Comparative Family Studies. Far more than a personal question, it is the object of collective anxiety. Underlying a more rigid structure of gender roles for women after marriage is the fact that, despite many changing ideas about sexuality, marriage, and gender relations, both men and women still view marriage and parenthood as the sine qua non of a life well lived Fortes , Smith There is less slut-shaming than before. Then it was trips to the salon. Some women attributed these changes to the relative shift in power that occurs at marriage. The sugar daddy has probably been around, in every society, for as long as the prostitute. In premarital relationships, young women exhibit a considerable degree of agency in their dealings with men.
Our fights became more frequent. And the fortunes of a woman dependent on a sponsor can change in an instant - either for better or worse. They knew perfectly well what we were best tiny cam porn mom is a porn star cast to. All interviews were tape recorded and transcribed. But the gendered division of labor both economic and emotional undergoes transformations after marriage, and with it, the dynamics among love, money, and infidelity are also altered. And many - quite understandably slut track marks asian bandaid porn are attempting to apply this methodology to their own lives. I haven't been able to forget what I had to face but I am trying to move on in earnest. But sometimes, it ain't wrong at all. I was so frustrated that I finally said yes to marriage. I liked being around him and with time we fell in love. Marriage Among a Matrilineal Elite. Two female research assistants conducted the marital case study interviews with women in Ubakala, while I conducted the interviews with men. Evanston: Northwestern University Press; During courtship, a woman has two authoritative vetoes: she can deny sexual access and she can refuse to marry. Young women in southeastern Nigeria commonly complain that men will make promises they do not keep—particularly with regard to love and fidelity— in order to persuade women to become their lovers. In contrast, once a woman is married, the ability to opt out—of either marriage or marital sex—is dramatically reduced. Far more than a personal question, it is the object of collective anxiety. Canadian Journal of African Studies. In the past, some of Kenya's socialites have styled themselves as Insane orgy ass fuck force porn, and have been quite upfront about the financial benefits that have come from dating tycoons. Kerubo, a year-old from Kisii in Western Kenya, maintains that she has control of her relationship with her sugar daddy, Alfred. If they had any little problem, everyone might become involved. Find us on FacebookInstagram and Twitter and use Women.
In contrast, once a woman is married, the ability to opt out—of either marriage or marital sex—is dramatically reduced. Most of these accounts focused on relatively elite, urban, and educated populations. We used to go on dates, talk for countless hours on phone. For obvious reasons, married women in the study did not volunteer much information about their sexual histories, even when the interviewers were socially skilled fellow women. He knew that it was extremely painful for me and he used it as a tool to torture me. Far more than a personal question, it is the object of collective anxiety. He would even hit her and the only thing she responded with was tears. I want the answer and it should be 'yes'. The couples were selected opportunistically with the objective of sampling marriages of different generations and duration, couples with a range of socioeconomic and educational profiles, and, of course, those living in both rural and urban settings.
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